The Power of a Positive List
Last week, while on a run with my teenage daughter, she shared a story that reminded me of our human tendency to notice the negative, and the profound benefits available to us when we counteract that inclination.
She’d been feeling disappointed about her summer, aware that her vacation is dwindling with the start of school in about a week. In summers past, we’ve made it a priority to get out and about with friends and family, on camping trips, river adventures or beach excursions. But this summer, finally 16, she was eager to get a job. She’d been wanting to teach swim lessons at our local pool and was excited when that all came together. But, while she mostly enjoyed the work, and the income that came along with it, she also felt bummed at not having had more time with her friends, and for summer adventures overall.
She didn’t tell me any of that as we were running because she knew I knew. Instead, she told me that she’d made a list highlighting her favorite activities from the summer, and that by doing this, she’d realized that her summer was actually much better than she’d been telling herself. And that left her feeling really good - and kind of more ready to start school.
Kaya drawn to the light of our beach fire. Photo credit: Geoff Staton
When she let me peek at her list, I noticed a very colorful, two-page spread full of individual experiences with friends, like baking, going to the beach and thrifting. She had a list of trips we’d taken, including specific camping adventures, and attending my sister’s beautiful wedding. She included special outings as a family, like getting our nails done for that same wedding, a sleepover with her cousins, and enjoying swimming holes near the North Umpqua river. She also listed a number of personal accomplishments, like reaching over 70 hours of drive time, starting a new job, and doing better on her AP tests than she was expecting.
Yes, I’m a proud mom, and I love that Kaya made this list for her own psychological well-being! But, as a passionate resilience coach, transformational facilitator, and neuroscience nerd who often thinks about what it takes to access joy, I find myself fascinated by her process, and how it might support the rest of us.
I like thinking about how Kaya’s approach aligns with decades of psychological research. Scientists have extensively documented something called "negativity bias" - our hardwired tendency to notice, attend to, and be more powerfully influenced by negative information and experiences compared to positive ones. This bias served our ancestors well when survival depended on noticing threats quickly, but in our modern world, it can leave us with a skewed perception of reality.
Research by psychologists like Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough has shown that practices similar to Kaya's list-making can have profound effects on our well-being. In their studies, people who regularly wrote about things they were grateful for became more optimistic, felt better about their lives, exercised more, and even had fewer visits to physicians compared to those who focused on daily irritations. The simple act of deliberately directing attention toward positive experiences appears to counteract our natural negativity bias.
Kaya's approach also tapped into what researchers call "savoring" - the practice of attending to, appreciating, and enhancing positive experiences. Studies have found that this kind of mindful engagement with good memories doesn't just make us feel better in the moment; it actually helps us build more fluent access to positive memories over time, which naturally helps us access a lighter perspective.
By creating her colorful, detailed list, Kaya was essentially training her brain to notice and recall the abundance of good that had actually filled her summer. She moved from letting a few disappointments dominate her perspective to recognizing the rich tapestry of positive experiences that told a completely different story. The research suggests this wasn't just a feel-good exercise - it was a scientifically-backed method for accessing greater joy and building resilience.
Kaya’s story reminds me that the tools for shifting our perspective and enhancing our well-being are often simpler and more accessible than we might think. My sister gave me a gratitude journal a few years ago. In our weekly family meetings, we have a gratitude circle. The effort isn’t much, but the follow-through is key and the benefits are huge. This reminds me that sometimes the most profound shifts in our well-being come not from complex interventions, but from the simple act of choosing possibility over pessimism, one colorful list at a time.
